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We stumble out of a tiny bar onto the street and look at each other. She puts her arm around my waist, pulls me into her, bites my bottom lip and whispers in my ear, "So, are you coming home with me? Ten seconds pass, then I kiss her in a way that says, "Hell, yes" - before hailing a cab and diving into the back seat. She gives the driver directions to her place, then pins me up against the window, smiles at me with her ridiculously beautiful face, and kisses me.
Her hands are all over me and my breathing gets shallow - I'm half turned on, half terrified of meeting the driver's eye in the rear-view mirror. I've only ever been in relationships with guys, but I always wondered what it'd be like to sleep with a woman. It's never been about a specific person; more just fleeting fantasies about strangers.
I started watching lesbian porn when I was 24 and realised women's bodies turned me on. That was my secret for years - and I liked it that way. Sure, I thought it'd be hot to try something different, but I had no idea how to make it happen, and didn't really expect it to.
Then, when I was 27, my long-term relationship ended and I found myself single for the first time since The break-up was excruciating - I loved him very much - but necessary. I cried every day for about three months, then downloaded Tinderas I thought it might help me move on.
At first, it reminded me that there were people who could fancy me. It was a strange, comforting way to get back in the game; swiping through pictures of guys without having to engage with any, until I felt ready. My swiping-but-not-talking phase lasted a month until, after encouragement from some work friends, I agreed to meet one guy for a drink. But I was so nervous, I drank too much and yelled at him about feminism and climate change. Then I turned away when he tried to kiss me and ran to the bus stop, jumping on the first one that came.
When I told Looking for first girl experience sister, she insisted I try again. Dinner with an Italian male model, three sexy nights with a gorgeous French man and four romantic dates with a Dutch 21 year old later, my confidence was gradually coming back. Late one night, about six months after I'd ed, I was idly scrolling through the app when a photo of an extremely hot couple 'looking for another girl for fun' caught my eye. I didn't want to be that girl - mainly because the guy wasn't my type - but it suddenly occurred to me that I could use Tinder to curate my fantasy of sleeping with a woman.
Out of curiosity, at first, I decided to change my settings to 'Women Only', and started swiping. I'd pause on each girl, and picture kissing her to test whether I still found the whole thing hot.
I did. In fact, I was surprised by how many I found attractive. With men, I was lucky to swipe right once every 40 photos. With women, it was more like one in four. Bianca London. My first match was with Maria. She was 30, half-Spanish, half-Australian with green eyes and rapid-fire banter, but after three days she simply vanished, and I never heard from her again. Then there was Cassie, 28, with long dark hair, twice as curvy as me, twice as confident and a total dream.
But she soon made it clear she wanted a threesome with her boyfriend, and that wasn't part of my plan, so we ended our interaction, wishing each other luck. Sophie, a bohemian-looking artist with puppies in her photos and a pixie haircut, said, "I'm actually just trying to make new friends, nothing sexual. Diana, a year-old Brazilian dancer, called me 'a pretty mermaid angel'; Isabella, 22, conversed exclusively in emojis; Myf, a sweet 27 year old from Wales, was only in town for three days, and Bobbie, 29, was too into her cats for my liking.
At this stage, I was still keen to find my first female hook-up, but I was also just enjoying the messaging. It felt totally different to chatting to guys. Girl-on-girl Tinder felt gentler and Looking for first girl experience threatening. Nobody offered to send me dick pics straight away, or got mad when I said I wasn't interested.
Yes, things could get cheeky - a couple of girls shared exactly what they wanted to do to me - but it was never without an obvious lead-up that implied consent and comfort on my part. A month into my 'Women Only' mission, I matched with a girl called Nikky.
She was Irish, beautiful and four years younger than me. In one of her photographs, she was sitting at a candlelit table wearing a low-cut black dress, smiling into the camera. It looked like she was on a date and I remember thinking, 'I wish it was with me'. I swiped right, we matched and she asked what I was looking for on Tinder. I told her I'd never been with a woman and I wanted to change that.
I was worried she might be offended at the thought of being my 'experiment', but she said she found the idea of being my first a massive turn-on, and we arranged a date for the following Saturday. She was already there when I arrived, sitting on a black velvet seat in the back corner of the bar, and wearing the tight black dress from her photo.
Sensing my nerves, she ordered me an elderflower cocktail, and we covered the usual conversational ground for first dates: jobs, siblings, jokes, favourite TV shows. But the whole time I was acutely aware of two things: her eyes on my body, and her hand travelling north from my knee. Her interest in me was clear - and I knew I was attracted to her. At some point, I remember brushing her lips with my thumb and stroking the side of her face briefly. We continued this sweet little seduction dance for a while, sitting closer and closer to one another and inventing reasons to touch, then talking about something completely unsexy to give me more time to build up my courage.
Then she arched one eyebrow, stood up, insisted on paying for our drinks and pulled me out onto the street.
We got in the cab and made out the whole way to her place. I'd drunk my nerves away and by the time we stumbled through her front door, into her room and onto her bed, I surprised myself with how confident I felt with her. We got naked, fast.
I couldn't stop looking at her, touching her, kissing her everywhere. She pinned me down on her purple sheets and talked to me while she kissed her way down my chest, tummy and tops of my thighs. She went down on me and it felt amazing, like she really knew what she was doing.
Then I flipped her over and did the same - being between her legs was fascinating and confusing. Even though we had the same body parts, this was a totally different angle and I had no idea what to do. I tried to imitate what I knew felt good on me, and it was received pretty well. We played around with each other's bodies for hours, then fell asleep tangled together. Chloe Laws. I went home the next morning feeling completely satisfied. I'd slept with a woman and it had been sweet and raunchy in exactly the way I'd hoped.
We didn't see each other again, but that's only because I soon moved 13,km from Australia to the UK. We kept in touch for a while until she got back together with an ex-girlfriend and I started to fall in love with a guy.
I take love one person at a time, whether they're male or female. Right now, I want monogamy with a man, but that doesn't necessarily make me exclusively heterosexual. I still fantasise about women. Either way, sleeping with Nikky changed me.
It made me feel powerful and sexy and open to anything. It was liberating and taught me to appreciate the beauty of women's bodies, including my own. It might sound funny, but making another woman orgasm made me see my own body as attractive.
I didn't tell anyone for ages, because it felt awesome to hug that secret night to myself. When I did finally open up to a few close friends, they were shocked but also proud of me, and I loved that. I've always been sensible, sweet and bookish Kate - the girl with the good grades, good career and good relationship. Sex with a woman brought out a mysterious, daring side that nobody expected, including myself.
It also taught me to see sex in a more intimate way, and to expect that level of respect and tenderness from any partner, male or female - whether I meet them on Tinder or IRL. It's something I'd do again, if the timing was right. And if I can do that, bloody hell, what can't I do?
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My First Sexual Experience Was with a Girl