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I was wrong and I just can't live without you! When it came to me, my and your reaction to them, you were never completely bone-deep honest with me. I wish you had been, it would have saved us all, especially you, so much misery, hellbitterness, suffering and pain! You were and are so very sweet and good and just, and I, though I never meant to, ran roughshod over you. Every good thing I intended turned bad and blew up in my face. I wish that I had just listened to you, agreed with you, accepted you, obeyed you. No man could ever be more unhappy at the vile,ironic way things turned out than me, and all the unintentional and secondary misery I unconsciously inflicted on you and allowed you to be the of!
I think that I somehow enabled the lengthy continuation of your vile, crushing hellish, horrific "marriage" and, instead of presenting myself to you as the -I just seemed exactly like him at some point, I'm sure. That is one of the greatest and most ironic tragedies of this whole agonizing paradoxical situation. That and whenever I tried to talk to you, I talked to you from the head, instead of the heart.
I just was aselfish, arrogant, defensive, imperious and an utter asshole. Believe me, I hate myself for what happened between us, and what I put you through and how I made you think and feel and what I incidentally, inadvertently allowed to happen to you-what and how I allowed you to inadvertently suffer!
I never have given up my concern for you, but Wives want sex tonight MO Powell 65730 much of it manifested itself in selfish concern for me and what I wanted, instead of you and what you wanted. Yet, to me, at the time, I felt that what you wanted presented a major sacrifice that I wasn't sure I was ready to do-to so wholesalely give you up and leave you to your unfortunately unloving husband and forget about you as if we were just two ships that passed in the night, I could not do that-but I should have. I should have for your sake and especially that of your son.
I always seemed to ignore your son with all my belligerence and inconsiderateness. I was so belligerent, so childish, so selfish, so stupidly fiendishly thoughtless! By trying to save it, I it. I can't live with that. That self-guilt is what makes me attempt to fix things. It is a compulsion, but it is willful and selfish at it's heart. I just want to be forgiven so I can go on. Do I deserve forgiveness? Directly, maybe; indirectly, no! But, like I said, to be honest, in my admittedly weak, weak defense: You, I am very very sorry to say, never told me really truly deeply how all this made you feel!
I would have listened and obeyed if you had just told me at once. I could have nipped my bullshit in the immediately, instantaneously if you had just told me how you felt. Maybe you tried to, but either it wasn't strong and deep enough and clear enough for me to understand, or I just didn't listen or some stupid selfish assholish arrogance prevented me from it. However, for your sake, I will at least delete every single one of my posts about, to or for you which thankfully isn't much and thankfully are all nice. I hope you can forgive me, so I can forgive myself. If I hadn't been single for so long, if I had been used to having a female friend or even a fide girlfriend of which I haven't had an one since aroundso twenty years; but it was 15 years at the time of you and II would not have been so childishly used to being alone and to thinking firstly of myself, and I could have truly loved you and returned your love and thought of you, instead of my stupid, cursed selfish self!
As much as I wish you had earlier made things clearer to me and told me how you felt, I wish I had told her and made it clear to her that my inexperience threatened to everything at every turn, and that, try as I might, I just couldn't help it! Oh, it's so. So tragic! I loved and love you and thought we were meant to be, but fate and cruel circumstance interfered and ruined everything! It's like we are star-crossed lovers or something. I wish I could learn to control myself better. Certainly, I am better off than I was when we were "together," but I still have problems.
Inherent, innate problems that are beyond my control. I try to be normal, but I fall so short of that. Here was a girl who accepted me, even with all my abnormalities, that I didn't have to feel I had to hide from you, that it was all so effortless, and I unintentionally ruined it and threw it away!
I feel cursed. Cursed and unforgiven. I don't know what more I can say, but I hope these confessions and revelations will give me some -though I don't deserve it. Even having been a of my own inexperience, and of fate and of circumstance and of tragic irony But deserving and needing, requiring are too different things.
Oh why couldn't I have been sweeter yet more honest to you back then?! I'm looking for that, or at least my semi-formed construction of that. I'm a single, attractive, very fit guy with varied interests that include a range of outdoor and indoor activities, from sailing and skiing, to scrabble and sex. I can be bookish and Wives want sex tonight MO Powell 65730 always game for lively and ranging conversations that can go from pop culture and brassy humor, to the nuances of public policy and the noble truths of.
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